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These are a selection of “funnies” I have experienced, and my interpretation of them!

“I want to be your maid”.

I want to wear a frilly maid uniform, curtsey a bit, wash your panties and then be punished for doing a crap job.

“Are you going to gag me, Mistress?”

Please gag me – now!

“I’m a photographer”.

Any chance of a free session in exchange for a few pictures?

In bondage – constantly moving a part of their body.

Highlighting that a certain part of the body is not sufficiently restrained.

“Will you lock me in permanent chastity and keep the key?”

I really haven’t thought this through.

“I am not kinky, I just like bondage as a form of relaxation as I’m in the  SAS”.       .

I’m a raving lunatic.

On the phone – “What will you do to me during a session?”

I have no intention of booking a session; I am currently playing with myself.

On the phone – “Will you roll me up in a cigarette and smoke me”?

I haven’t taken my medication this morning.

On the phone – long pause – “My name is Bob”.

I’ve forgotten what I called myself last time I rang.

By text – Will you dominate me by phone?

I have not read your website – I just want to play with myself.

By text – I have no credit on my phone until Friday – please ring me.

I’m a time waster who does not want the cost of a call.

By text – “Is this Mistress Victoria?

When she replies, I can start a prolonged text conversation with no

intention of booking a session.

By text – “Will you dominate me while you are naked?”

I have no idea of how to behave towards a pro-domme (or any woman).

“It will be fine Mistress; I managed to get up off the floor last time”.

I may be able to get up off the floor …. in an hour or so.

“Can we do some anal before we finish the session?”

I’m sure my session is over, but I’ll ask anyway.

“Will you arrange some forced bi – but I’m not gay”.

But he has to be good looking with a great body – I might be gay.

“I have no limits where pain is concerned”.

Better have several safe words in case it hurts.

“Can I book the dungeon for an overnight stay?”

I have not read your website.

“Can I book the dungeon for an overnight stay?”

I have read your website but my self- importance allows me to believe that you will make an exception in my case.

As for the one below??!!! Even I struggled with this!